Tuesday, August 23, 2011

New verbs and nouns

Today, as I was leaving the cash register at Walgreen's, I said "thank you" as the check out guy handed me my bag. He said "No problem" in return. No problem? Ok, um, "yes, I agree"? I was perplexed. No problem is what you say when someone does you a favor.

"Thanks for changing my tire".
"Thanks for spotting me $5 at lunch today".
"Thanks for taking 5 minutes to read this blog".

All of these are cases in which "No problem" is perfectly acceptable. But not when you ring up 2 items and throw them in a plastic bag. Heck, I did all the work! I had to swipe my card, approve it, and sign for the receipt. What exactly did you do again, that could have put you out in any way whatsoever in which you felt it was appropriate again to say "No problem"? Should I correct him? Should I say something random back, like "Merry Christmas!" But I suspect then I would be a problem and certainly not doing myself any favors.

Hrmpf.

Anyway, I was at Walgreen's to buy some tylenol and my beloved Sunday paper. I only want the Sunday paper for one thing: the coupons. I officially addicted to couponing, folks. No, no, no, not in the way that those people on "Extreme Couponing" are- I have never walked out of the store with hundreds of dollars in merchandise having spent only pennies. But I am getting better at it, and thought I'd share how it all got started.

I can remember taking a class my freshman year of high school that was called General Business. I think it was supposed to be a course designed to teach you basic skills about managing your money when you got to be all grown up but I could be way off. I can't remember what we did for an entire year, but I very clearly remember two topics in the curriculum: how to balance a checkbook, and how to use coupons.

Balancing a checkbook was something I was darn good at. When I graduated college and got my grown up job and my grown up apartment and my grown up bills- I loved to get my monthly bank statement. I would sit down with the checkbook register and a big calculator, and spend the next hour or so making sure it balanced perfectly, right down to the penny. I did this every month, diligently putting check marks in the column in the register for cleared checks, logging the ones that were still outstanding, etc. I was a freak about it. I couldn't put down my pencil until everything came out right. I once closed an account and started all over with a new one because I couldn't get the checkbook to balance.

Needless to say, balancing a checkbook is a lost art. Who writes checks anymore??? And who gets paper statements anymore, for that matter? (My parents are reading this and saying out loud "ME!") But for the rest of us, it's so easy to get online and check your account activity in real time that I doubt there are anymore students sitting in General Business class learning to balance a register.

And as for the coupon lesson- we were told to gather coupons out of the Sunday papers and categorize them in some sort of shoe box or other organizational method to show us how frugal we could be. The lesson was: organize all your coupons and when you run out of an item, just go to your trusty shoe box and pull out the coupon you stored away just for that occasion, take it to your grocer, and save money just like that. Well, I think after that class I never touched a coupon again for 20 more years.

Because 20 years later I had a baby. And 20 years later coupons have made a huge comeback.

There's even a new word; Couponing. Couponing is now a verb! And a new noun- couponer. Are you a couponer?

In the months before I had my son, we started getting all kinds of coupons in the mail for diapers and formula. And, well, when you start out as a new mom, you have no idea which formula or diapers your baby is gonna like. So there is potential for a lot of wasted money. So I took my coupons with me to try different brands to ease the pain of wasting money if he didn't like one. And I was hooked. There is no reason to ever buy diapers, wipes, baby food, or baby wash items without coupons-- they are everywhere! Companies are throwing them at me right and left!

Also, TLC began airing a show called Extreme Couponing. This is 30 minutes of TV that leaves you asking a lot of questions- the editing has got to be outrageous, but basically they profile men and women who have mastered the art of walking out of the grocery store with carts full of products without paying much over what one item alone would cost. I can't say I am a fan of this show, because I don't think it's 100% real~ I don't have time to list all my doubts here, but I watch the show because it's kind of like watching That's Incredible back in the 80's and it's mildly entertaining.

So, here's what I've learned in the good 6 months I have been couponing that I didn't learn in General Business.

Couponing is all about stockpiling. Most coupons or deals are "Buy 2 get ___ ", so you often bring home multiples of the same item. Before you begin to seriously start using coupons, dedicate some space in your house for all your "investments". I've got my "pharmacy" stock pile in our guest bedroom. I figure, if anybody comes to stay with us and they discover upon unpacking that they forgot their toothbrush/deodorant/razor like I tend to do, they are all set, because I have plenty of each in our stockpile!

"Investments" are items that you don't need at that moment, but you have a coupon, plus a store sale, which makes the deal too good to pass up. I have lots of these items. This is why the General Business class failed me and why most people don't use coupons. Most of us grocery shop on auto-pilot--> walking up and down the aisles only half paying attention, swinging out an arm at the appropriate time to snag the item off the shelf and into the cart without a second glance. Couponing changes ALL that.

Couponing takes lots of time. But not as much as you think. There are people out there who operate websites that do all the work for you. A Google search will get you started, but basically these kind folks tell you that the coupon in last Sunday's paper for cottage cheese, plus the buy-one-get-one-free sale at Kroger makes for one heck of a price on cottage cheese and you should go. The time factor comes into play when you have to sort through your coupons, reading fine print, checking expirations dates on the coupons, and just basically making a fool of yourself standing in the aisle blocking cart traffic as you try to find that dang cottage cheese coupon.

Couponing will not make you any friends in the checkout line. People behind you just LOVE it when you have a massive haul of items, then when the cashier gets all done ringing everything up, you hand over a huge stack of coupons that beep every time he/she scans one and they have to go back and verify that you did indeed buy the 16 ounce cottage cheese that qualifies you for the coupon. You can feel their eyes burning holes into the back of you head.

But, couponing can win you friends in the aisles. If you have a coupon that you know you are not going to use, and you leave it behind for me- you are my friend. I love these little treasures! This just happened to me yesterday, and I snagged 4 cans of soup instead of just the 2 I had planned to buy, thanks to the friend who left behind their coupon.

Catalina coupons are not trash. Catalinas are the check out coupons that print out before or after your receipt does. These are store deals and they're usually good for some type of item that is similar to whatever you just purchased, on your next visit. Target has awesome catalina coupons, especially for baby items. I was able to use 2 of these on baby food that was on clearance. I ended up getting 4 jars of baby food for less than the price of 1, thanks to my catalinas.

Some products are so easy to buy with coupons- others aren't. You can expect to have a whole pile of health and beauty coupons, pet product coupons, and coupons for cleaning and laundry products. Think of the money you save on these items as the buffer for the fact that produce and meat coupons are virtually non-existent. You just have to watch sale bills for those things.

I haven't adopted any of the habits like garbage surfing for discarded Sunday papers or scouring the internet for printable store coupons that the pro's do, and I don't plan to. I am having fun with it. Nothing's better than getting your receipt and seeing the total percentage saved at the bottom.

Since I've started using coupons, our pantry is better stocked, and we have cut down on how much we eat out for dinner. I am not keeping a running total of savings or anything like that, but I know I have saved a fair amount of money and I have changed how I think about shopping now. I have gone from buying what I need to buying what I can get a deal on and saving it. What am I gonna do with all that deodorant or all that toothpaste? Dunno. Stocking stuffers? Maybe someday I'll be so good at it I can donate boxes and boxes of stuff to charity, like I saw on one of those episodes of Extreme Couponing.

Today is Sunday and I couldn't wait to get my coupons out of the paper and see what may be in my purchasing future. Imagine my disappointment when I opened it and there were no coupons. Seems the trend has gotten so popular that my coupon friends aren't above taking coupons from other papers. Either that or there were none in the paper this Sunday. I hope it's the latter.

All things Olive today:
Chocolate/vanilla swirled marshmallows
Season premieres on TV
My son's laugh

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